World’s first rehab opens for square sausage addicts

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Despite healthcare cuts across the nation, Scotland’s government has put this at the forefront of their agenda for years and have finally managed to obtain funding for the world’s first square sausage rehab clinic. Davey from Possil said: “Av been at the square sausage since a wis a waen, it’s a hard habit tae break man, know wit a mean”.

Davey then goes on to recount incidents that have happened to him revolving around his addiction to the greasy square delight. “Av been chibbed, stabbed and lifted aw cause ay it, a once sold ma Ma’s Elvis’ albums fur a kilo fae the butchers and a loaf ay plain bread”

An avid Yes! supporter Ross McFae from Stirling said: “Yet another waste of Scottish tax payers Scottish money, methadone, now there’s something I’m happy to back” We were not sure if Mr McFae was suggesting methadone as a treatment for the square sausage crisis or if he was gagging for a few milligrams of the jungle juice himself.

The centre will open in Motherwell and take in its first residents next month. The government is hoping the location will be key too, with Motherwell having the highest number of heroin users in Britain, the government hopes seeing the sausage survivors will instill courage for the local smackhead populous.

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Author: The Wrong Times

Satirical news site.

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