How Jeremy Beadle’s hand jobs were the best says cottagers


Yet another showbiz scandal has emerged today. The popular 80s and 90s TV presenter Jeremy Beadle had led a sad secret sexual life frequenting public toilets and becoming one of the greatest glory hole champions according to some.

We spoke with one cottaging fanatic, an anonymous male now aged 62: “Even in his late fifties he was still a rest room favourite, he gave the best hand jobs.”

Beadle known to have suffered from Poland syndrome may actually have brought the disease on by the large number of hand sex he dished out on a regular basis. We were informed that from as early as the 70s Beadle had been giving out 100+ bishop bash sessions to cottagers a week.

Another cubicle deviant who would also like to remain anonymous said: “It was such a turn on, soft delicate little bugger it was, his hand not my johnson I mean.”

Although now coming on 10 years since the TV stars death, this has brought up more bad news for the BBC, who already have a plethora of nonces and sexual weirdos past present on their books, Tony Kimber from the BBC said: “So Jezza indulged in a few cheeky toilet fiddles, at least he’s not fucking dead bodies, which for the record I don’t see what the issue is with that either.”

It seems the BBC is a breeding ground for creepy individuals and actively promotes such behaviour. Watch out, the BBC is about.