Train companies blame North Korean missile for delays


Train companies are at a loose end when it comes to excuses for trains not running on time. A new excuse has arisen for delays this morning making thousands of passengers struggling on their already pushed time late again.

Nigel Farrow of Southern Rail said: “We raise our prices not for profit, but so we can protect our passengers better, that North Korean missile may have caused injury to passengers travelling with us this morning.”

Southern Rail’s excuse was rather baffling despite the North Korea’s doom tube landing 1000km plus off the Japanese east coast.

City worker Darren aged 37, who commutes from Guildford to London 5 days a week said: “I’m already pushed for time as it is. I can’t get an earlier train due to spending anything up to an hour on the toilet scrolling through facebook first thing in the morning.

I could see logic in delays if the missile was heading for West Byfleet or Walton on Thames. If there’s a delay then there is always more passengers that get on when it finally arrives, meaning seats are scarce and I always end up having to stand beside the doors with the sweaty bloke in his lycra gear, sort it out train companies”